The phone turned Bones’ scoff into a snarl of static. “And what’s to stop you from walking on the moon?” he asked. Jim curled the cord around his finger and edged a little closer to the window. It was dark outside, but out here on his parents’ farm, you could see the stars. They almost seemed close enough to touch. “Nothing,” he lied, placing his palm flat against a crack in the window glass, where cold air was seeping in. And in Atlanta, Georgia, Len glanced into the back room, where his sick mother was coughing up a storm. “Same here,” he said.
Ooh, I really this this parallel - how they’re both lying to each other but don’t realize it Man, this is really, really good - you did a great job of describing emotions. In particular I also really like how something’s you don’t directly describe the emotions but describe the memories/events that led Kirk to that emotion and allow us to figure out those emotions, like here:
Jim fingered a handful of crumpled bills shoved into his pocket, the paper like velvet against his skin. He remembered the hard flat cot he’d had to sleep on when he got caught for stealing Mr. Gates’ visor back in ‘64. The thrill of calling Bones for the first time after meeting him in the game. The real tears he shed when the game went obsolete and he couldn’t believe it, couldn’t fathom that this wondrous leap in technology had fallen away like that, that humanity could just use it up and let it go. A novelty. A waste.
I also like how the contrast of this segment, and how it emphasizes what drew Kirk to Star Trek
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QuailFence Sun 30 Jul 2023 09:20PM UTC
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jamaharon Tue 01 Aug 2023 04:04PM UTC
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