Author: Prue84
Date: 2023-11-03T00:00:00+00:00
Keywords: Fanworks; General Audiences; Star Trek: Alternate Original Series; Janice Rand (AOS); Gen; No Archive Warnings Apply
Description: Abridged life of the Janice Rand in the Kelvin timeline. (Cameo of Captain Kirk, the one and only. Also, Nyota Uhura).
Publisher: Ad Astra :: Star Trek Fanfiction Archive

Preface

Janice Rand, the yeoman who won the no-salad scenario
Posted originally on the Ad Astra :: Star Trek Fanfiction Archive at http://www.adastrafanfic.com/works/1146.

Rating:

General Audiences

Archive Warning:

No Archive Warnings Apply

Category:

Gen

Fandom:

Star Trek: Alternate Original Series

Character:

Janice Rand (AOS)

Language:

English

Series:

Part 1 of Non-canon!AOS characters stories

Stats:

Published: 2023-11-03
Words: 3,143
Chapters: 1/1

Janice Rand, the yeoman who won the no-salad scenario
by Prue84

Summary

Abridged life of the Janice Rand in the Kelvin timeline.

(Cameo of Captain Kirk, the one and only. Also, Nyota Uhura).

Notes

Big cameo of James Kirk as the immovable object to Janice's unstoppable force. And a smaller one by Uhura, because she's the only one of the crew with a working brain - the rest just share an overworked brain cell.

See the end of the work for more notes

Janice Rand, the yeoman who won the no-salad scenario

Rank: Petty officer
Occupation: Captain’s personal yeoman
Ship: USS Enterprise (NCC-1701)

Picking Starfleet over a promising career in singing, Janice Rand enlisted as a non-commissioned officer and, after the mandatory training, she’s employed as a quartermaster's staff.

Three months after the Enterprise left Earth for her first mission in space, the transfer request from the fourth yeoman assigned to the brand-new promoted captain lands on Admiral Pike’s lap and he decides that he really, really had enough. It turns out that Kirk’s annoying superpowers that work even on reliable Vulcan first officers affect yeomen as well and so this officer, like two out of the other three in the growing string of failed attempts to assign an experienced yeoman to the captain, has decided that Kirk is impossible to work with and it’s either an immediate transfer or court martial for assaulting a superior officer. Pike doesn’t know if this is better than Attempt #2, who developed faster than light speed a crush that hindered the performing of their duties and prompted the transfer request barely two weeks after the arrival on the flagship. Male, female, it doesn’t matter: in the end they all have to leave the battle field battered.
It’s not that Kirk does something specific to scare yeomen away, he doesn’t try to act all smooth and suave, he doesn’t try to woo them, he doesn’t antagonize them either, he’s actually all professional and even applies the right amount of politeness, not too much and not too little, as far as he’s told: he just refuses to do things he doesn’t want to do and the rest he does when he wants to, thus driving mad any yeoman who works by strictly following the rules and is used to seasoned captains who actually adhere to bureaucracy. They all face Kirk with the attitude of veterans sent on the Enterprise to babysit the Cadet Captain, and - as should be expected - Kirk reacts by just digging his heels and turns into an immovable object. HQ don’t understand that the fact Kirk gives his best when he feels cornered also means that he’ll be the best even at doing his worst: he’ll keep passive-aggressively drive yeomen away as long as HQ keeps sending him officers ill-suited to be his silent assistant.

Firmly believing that a captain works best if they're shadowed by a yeoman that isn't only efficient and reliable but bold enough to argue and even dig their heels when necessary as well but, at the same time, able to make a step back and know when it’s the time to become accommodating, Pike takes the matter in his hands before at HQ someone decides to send a Vulcan next and trigger a blow of cosmic proportions. So he personally scours the list of non-commissioned officers available in search for the perfect person who can flank the young and inexperienced captain and, hopefully, won't develop any sort of feeling that goes beyond proper respect for a commanding officer. Petty Officer Rand is green, doesn’t have much experience on the field, but results from psycho-aptitude tests suggest she might be the right person for Kirk. It’s a gamble, but Pike hopes and prays that it’ll work. Else, he shall really have to ready himself for the “Kirk Getting Strangled By A Vulcan” reprise.

And this is how Janice Rand finds herself on a shuttle for a rendezvous with the Enterprise as captain Kirk’s fifth yeoman.
Janice leaves Earth eager for her first new real assignment and full of good intentions, determined to not let Kirk’s fame to intimidate her. She’s heard the rumors at headquarters, she knows that four have come and gone before her, and she also knows Admiral Pike has high hopes for her: he gambled on an officer at her first assignment on a ship, at the very start of her career, and she wants to repay that trust by becoming a good captain’s yeoman.

But when she meets the man himself, she looses all her confidence, her tongue gets stuck to the roof of her mouth: she barely manages to introduce herself and make a decent salute without embarrassing herself likes a cadet summoned at the commander in chief’s office. Kirk is affable and does what she thinks all captains do to make their new yeoman at ease around them but, for some reasons, he looks as imposing and intimidating as Commander Spock and Rand, suddenly unsure in herself and her abilities, ends up spending all her on-duty and off-duty hours working and reworking all the paperwork the captain gives her, and at the end of her first day on the job she cries herself to sleep thinking about the failure she is.

The revelation comes under the form of Lieutenant Uhura.
It’s her second day on the Enterprise, and Janice is sitting all by herself at the cafeteria, her food untouched, mulling her failures and wondering if she should write to the admiral and admit she isn’t the person he thought he saw in her, when Uhura appears, holding a tray, asking if she can sit down. Despite her being part of the senior crew, Uhura is easygoing and her smile is so open and contagious that would uplift even the moodiest of the person, but she’s also highly observant and, before Janice can even say anything, Uhura is asking her if it’s because of Kirk. Uhura offers a reassuring smile and suggests her to not let Kirk’s behavior kick her down: Kirk’s not like any other captain, Kirk’s an acquired taste, she just needs to give herself some time to let her body work out the Kirk Disease and build up an immunity, like all of them had to - Spock included. On the Enterprise to give up is forbidden, they’re born out of resilience and that’s what it takes to be part of this odd family. Is she? Resilient?
And, anyway, it was funny to see the captain scare away any seasoned yeoman HQ decided to assign him with the not-so-hidden motive to rein him in, but it’s time Kirk gets a reliable and stable assistant - else the next one to have a mental breakdown will be Spock, and no one wants an encore of that performance. So... she looks like a nice girl and a good officer who came here with an open mind free of the prejudices most of Starfleets have toward this crew and its inexperienced captain, and they all look forward to see her tame the beast, so to speak.
It isn’t the most inspired prep talk Rand could hear but, to her, Uhura talked like a general motivating the tired and battered soldiers before the last battle.

She next faces Kirk with a resolution that’s possible the captain himself sees on her face because she can see him frowning for a second, his eyes linger on her face as if to read it, before signing the padd and giving it back with a brief nod. By the end of the day Janice has finally understood what Uhura had tried to tell her and what Admiral Pike truly wants from her. Kirk isn’t the scary captain who’s waiting at the center of the web for her to fall so to eat her alive. He’s actually just a cadet who’s been thrown on the chair too soon without any experience and needs someone firm enough to steer him but also obliging enough to not make him feel under constant evaluation by a spy sent by Starfleet HQ to monitor his every failure at his new job.
Janice now knows that Kirk doesn’t expect perfection from her, so she doesn’t need to make and remake anything she’s supposed to hand him as if she were still in high school and had to hand out her homework to be evaluated. Janice now knows that she has to become observant, learn how the captain ticks, to work around his quirks and find the best way to assist him without becoming too intrusive and trigger a reaction.
And, most of all, Janice now knows that she has to dig in her heels to counteract Kirk’s stubbornness.

On her fourth day aboard she simultaneously scores her first win against the captain, cements her position on the ship and becomes the crew’s newest hero. Unknowingly.
She’s still new but what she already managed to get is that the captain has an unhealthy relationship with food: he overeats if stressed, he tends to forgo his meals if his mind his elsewhere occupied. She knows he’s got some paperwork to attend to, and he’s also busy trying to make sense out of a log for a clusterfuck of a mission that happened two days before she arrived and that he’s supposed to have sent Starfleet three days ago.
Perhaps going above her duties, at lunch break she shows up at the senior officer’s cafeteria with a tray. He’s sitting alone in a secluded table, an array of padds in front of him. As expected, he’s not eating and doesn’t seem he’ll do it in the foreseeable future, judging from the lonely coffee mug he’s drink from.
Not wishing to bother him, she’s silent as she efficiently makes space on the table and then sets the tray down. The captain raises his head in time to send her a confused look as he’s literally deprived of the mess of scattered padds that, to him, made sense, then looks at the tray placed under his nose, makes an offended grimace (as if the salad had personally called his mother names), and then looks up at her again, asking what’s that supposed to be. Rand is already picking up the mug and Kirk reaches out to stop her - now he acts like she had just called his mother names. Janice, not letting the mug go, declares that that is his lunch, as per Doctor McCoy’s updated diet card, and that he’s already drank [x] coffees and should cut back on caffeine for his own well-being. With a resolute pull, she wins the coffee mug.
Kirk moves his arms, shocked and outraged and, his courtesy forgotten, orders her to get that mug back where it was and take away that salad because he isn’t a goat nor a bloody Vulcan.
Rand experiences a moment of insecurity: she’s just following Doctor’s McCoy prescriptions, perhaps the captain wasn’t aware that the CMO had updated his diet card? But then she’s reminded of Admiral Pike’s words, and Uhura’s kind advice: she knows that she brought the right meal, and that the captain can whine and complain all he wants but he too is subjected to the CMO’s prescriptions, and she knows he’s been working on caffeine in the last days and that isn’t good for anyone, not even for Starfleet’s Most Reckless Captain Ever.
Unaware of the attention the scene has drawn, with the spare officers in the room following the face-off with the same kind of morbid fascination of watching two starship set on a collision course, she just stands her ground. She’s been picked by the admiral with a mission and she’ll succeed, one way or another.
It’s a showdown, immovable object versus unstoppable force and Janice proves that, unlike what the paradox suggests, the immovable object can be made movable. Albeit grudgingly, Kirk grabs a handful of salad and brings it to his mouth. He’s clearly not happy but Rand allows herself an inner victory dance. Doctor McCoy will be happy that she made the captain eat a healthy meal instead of skipping lunch, and she likes to make people happy whenever she can.

At the end of her shift, when she sets foot in the mess hall reserved to lower ranks, she’s welcomed with an applause. Confused, she looks around, wondering if she just missed something, but Lieutenant Mitchell (Rand knows him because he was one of the first to introduce himself and welcome her on the ship the day she arrived) comes to stand in the front line, a satisfied grin plastered on his face and hands still clapping. And so she discovers that news of what transpired in the cafeteria made it down to the lower decks and up to the bridge, and she’s made an impression. Because, apparently, no one so far ever managed to make the captain eat a bowl of salad - no, not even Doctor McCoy (and everyone fears his wrath). To the attendees of the impromptu celebration, Mitchell announces that the brave petty officer deserves an award - and even produces a small hand-made cockade he pins to her chest. It’s something clearly made at the last minute, but it’s the sentiment with which it’s given, that makes Janice this near to shred a tear. Mitchell throws an arm around her shoulders with a camaraderie that Rand, a petty officer who’s been on the ship less than a week, would never expect from a lieutenant serving on the bridge who is also close friend of the captain, and then says that, from today on, she’ll be remembered as “The Yeoman Who Won The No-Salad Scenario”. And before she can even say something, she’s surrounded by people who want to congratulate for her feat.
Not that they did something to not make her feel welcome before, but now Janice really feels like truly part of this dysfunctional family.

The next day a more somber Rand dreads the moment she’ll have to report to the captain. While she appreciated the surprise party thrown in her honor, she’s painfully aware that Kirk must know that the crew is talking about That Thing behind his back, and he’ll be surely livid. She fears she’ll be booted out of the ship in no time.
Kirk actually gives her the side eye when she puts a brave face on and shows up on the bridge with a padd, but doesn’t order her to report later in his ready room, and Uhura actually winks at her. For all the day her stomach is knotted and she metaphorically holds her breath in wait for the other shoe to drop, but never the summoning comes and, when at dinner she’s visited by none other than Doctor McCoy, who gives a satisfied nod and a “you keep after him”, she allows herself to relax.

Kirk’s doesn’t really hold grudges, so Rand discovers. The Salad Incident is never brought up again, but whenever she shows up in the captain’s quarters and sets her eyes on the coffee mug, he grumbles something that sounds like a justification and then shoves it aside, and he eats whatever she happens to deliver him, salad included - sometimes he even thanks her.
Doctor McCoy compliments her on making Jim cut down on caffeine, warning her that if she continues like that, her chest won’t be big enough for all the medals the crew will award her.

In barely a month since her arrival on the ship, Rand has earned herself the reputation of woman that isn't wise to wrong, feared not only by midshipmen on board but by everyone, including even Captain James "I don't believe in a no-win scenario" Kirk, a reputation that soon leaves the Enterprise bulkheads to spread outside of their city warping in deep space.
But behind her growing fame, she's as sweet as down-to-earth as they could get, and it's with easiness that blends in and makes friends. Friendship is a high priority on her list, she’s loyal to a fault and she always looks out for the people she calls friends. If she notices a fellow officer missed mess call she’ll bring them a tray full of food, if a colleague is ill and confined to quarters, she’ll make sure to pay them a visit or send them a message to ask how they’re doing and if they need something.

Janice isn’t brave only when wielding a tray full of salad in front of the captain, and it’s with enthusiasm that she faces her first mission planet side. After the first time, she gets included whenever the situation allows it (she has to ask the captain permission to be part to the party but he usually doesn’t say no), and she has the chance to prove she knows how to hold her own during danger.
Very efficient and with a solid work ethic, she’s also quite resourceful and always strives to do her best during emergencies, especially doing whatever she can to help the bridge personnel during stressful or tiring crisis.

Despite Pike's hopes, as captain’s yeoman she’s doomed and she eventually develops that crush, but she's too professional to let it interfere with her duty and accepts instead that this will be a one-sided interest that will go nowhere: Kirk’s got his eyes firm on the Enterprise, and has long since learned that his being the commanding officer precludes him any chance at having a relationship with someone on the ship.

Her iconic beehive hairdos become her trademark: every morning she spends quite some effort into creating new and elaborate hairstyles that agree with her artistic personality, often picking details from her vast knowledge of the history of hairstyles on both Earth and other alien cultures she homages by always showing profound respect. In the rare instances in which she ties her hair up in a simple bun, photos are passed around in the Enterprise internal messaging system as a bad omen, with the level of simplicity used to rate the probability of risk of something bad to happen.

While the Enterprise is docked for repairs after the extensive damage received during the battle with the Vengeance, and with Kirk’s return to the chair still to be determined, she doesn’t know what to do: she’s come to like Kirk both as person and captain and she’s unsure she’d be able to resume her old position on the Enterprise should he not return. Since the Enterprise is scheduled to not be ready to head out again for at least eight months, she decides to enroll in Starfleet Academy for an year to undergo more training.
When she resumes her old position at the end of the academic year, with Kirk successfully rehabilitated and fit for duty, she has become more professional and more diligent to her duties; she continues to monitor the captain’s diet and sort out essential duties and paperwork for him, but she also becomes his friend. Forgotten is her juvenile crush, they reach an outstanding relationship that helps matters on the ship run smoothly, much to the pleasure of Commander Spock.

Singing partner of her friend Uhura, her most favorite hobby is actually painting: her arts hang on hers and some of her friends' quarters, as she likes to personally make the gifts she'll give to the people she's closer to, instead of buying one already made.

Afterword

End Notes

I tried to keep what Rand is, both as officer and as person, in The Original Series, but in a more modern, less "60s woman” fashion. So she keeps her weaknesses, including the unrequited crush on Kirk, but she’s more assertive as well. And yes, I also left out Kirk’s blatant (and annoying) sexism from her episode debut.
Anything that doesn’t come strictly from the tv show is from non-canon material as per her Memory Beta entry. The singing almost-career mention is an homage to Grace Lee Whitney.

Feel free to fancast whichever actress you like. My choice is Kristen Bell.
--
Originally published on my handles on the date 08 January 2022.

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Table of Contents

- Preface

- Janice Rand, the yeoman who won the no-salad scenario

- Afterword