Severin had been on Starbase 24 for a week now, and was starting to regret taking the assignment.
He hadn't had any illusions of some big reconciliation with Dooku when the job had been presented to him - it had been thirty-five years, and it was wartime, and the starbase was located right near the heat of the conflict, and the Admiral's thoughts would rightly be towards survival and strategy, not interpersonal drama. It had, indeed, been the thirty-five years that had made Severin's response to Starfleet Command's offer something other than "no" - he was otherwise content serving aboard the Aventine under Captain Dax, with whom he had a warmly platonic friendship, thinking of her as being like the little sister he'd never had.
What he hadn't expected was the coldness. The distance. The feeling that Dooku would rather flay his own skin off than be in the same room with him for longer than five minutes. He had assumed, perhaps wrongly, that their shared history would at least be a source of warmth, that somehow they could be friends again, not necessarily lovers. But it was very apparent they couldn't even be that, and it pained him.
Severin had more than enough work to keep him busy - Starfleet Command had not been exaggerating the severity of the war out here, with fleets regularly coming in needing repairs to their ships and crew above and beyond what their engineering and sickbay facilities were capable of. His days were filled with triage and surgery, and Severin frequently stayed at least two hours, sometimes more, past the end of his shift every day to tend to non-emergency patients and review and update case files of those in intensive care.
But Severin couldn't work non-stop, and though he was overwhelmed by the sheer size of Starbase 24 as compared to starships and even Deep Space Nine, he felt it was time to explore the new territory he called home. With the aid of the computer's maps, he found his way to one of the recreational areas, which had a small park and a mall with several stores and restaurants. The park made him miss being in nature, and Severin felt like crying as he sat on a bench, drinking lemonade.
Severin had reviewed crew medical files, and recognized the ship's counselor approaching him - a small green man with leathery skin, pointy ears and tridactyl hands, wearing a Starfleet uniform, blue like his own.
"Counselor Yoda," Severin said. "At last we finally meet."
Yoda shook his hand. "Good to meet you, it is."
Yoda was from a species otherwise unknown to Starfleet, and he was reported to be even older than Severin, and from the Delta Quadrant. He too had his homeworld destroyed by the Borg, and even without knowing that in his file, Severin could look into his eyes and see the ancient sadness there. And much like Severin had found the strength to go on in tending to the living, so did Yoda, and even though it seemed like Yoda was here to relax also, he was still the counselor. "How like you, this starbase?" Yoda asked.
Severin nodded. "It's different," he said truthfully.
"Hmmm. One way to phrase that, it is." Yoda nodded slowly. "Still settling in, are you?"
"Yeah. Sickbay keeps me pretty busy."
"Important to take breaks, it is. Soothes the soul, this park does."
"It's a nice park," Severin said. "A bit small, but nice."
"Hmmm. Seen the arboretum, have you? Larger than this park, it is."
"Oh." Severin raised his eyebrows. "I didn't know."
"Deck 28, Suite 10. Very large. Like a forest, in space."
Deck 28 was a bit of a journey, forty-eight decks up, and a Suite 10 was a good hike from where the park was located on Suite 84. Severin had a long day on his feet and wasn't up for that kind of ride in the turbolift and walk across the station right now, even with moving sidewalks, but he made a mental note to visit the arboretum tomorrow. "Thank you for that information, Counselor."
"My best to help others, I do." Yoda's ears twitched. "An appointment you should schedule soon, Doctor. Help, talking does."
"I'll consider that." Severin didn't exactly feel like telling Yoda about his past with Dooku, even though he knew Starfleet counselors were employed specifically not to judge.
"More than consider, you should. Important, mental health is. Know that, do you."
"Yes, Counselor." Severin rolled his eyes and gave Yoda a disarming smile. Yoda smiled back, but in a way that indicated you're not getting out of this so easily.
"A good rest of the evening, have you," Yoda said, before shuffling off to a kiosk across from the park.
Sagan meowed as soon as Severin got in the door. "Yes, yes," Severin said, bending down to scratch him, and then headed to the replicator, first to get Sagan's cat food, then to replicate a meal for himself. He decided on hasperat, and thought of Kira as he sat down with it. Replicated hasperat was definitely not as good as the real thing made from scratch - not enough spice. But he was hungry and tired, and didn't know where was good to eat at the mall, which was why he hadn't stopped at a restaurant.
Severin put on his viewscreen as he ate, and after watching Federation news, which didn't tell him much he didn't already know about the current state of the war, he opted for a 20th-century Earth television program called Perfect Strangers; he loved Balki and Larry. Sagan hopped up on the couch and climbed on Severin, purring, and soon, Severin fell asleep on the couch in his Starfleet uniform, his cat in his arms.
_
"Oh, shit." Severin woke up a few hours later to see he had fallen asleep with the lights on, in his uniform. Sagan was sleeping in a ball on the coffee table next to him, and woke up at the sound of Severin's voice, as he sat up, his mouth feeling like it was made out of cardboard.
He'd dreamed about Dooku. It was a sexual dream, yes, but it had also involved happier times, except they were set in the present or near future, with a silver-haired Dooku - damn him for being even more attractive now that he's older - and it felt so real. Severin spent a few minutes just crying, feeling the ache he'd been trying to deny, that he'd missed Dooku so damn much, thirty-five years didn't change his feelings so much.
Severin bowed his head, taking a few deep breaths, willing himself to pull it together so he could get back to sleep, and not be a complete wreck tomorrow. He walked over to the framed picture of Sarenya and spent a moment looking at it, fingers caressing the frame as he remembered touching her face. The other great love of his life, who he missed terribly.
...real love is forever.
"Dammit, Sarre." He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.
In his mind's eye he saw her, and out of nowhere recalled something she was fond of saying, especially when lecturing him when he was having a time of self-doubt. There is no such thing as a coincidence. It was a commonly held El-Aurian belief, and even in Starfleet as a doctor, a man of science, it was still one he hadn't discarded completely.
He didn't know, at first, why that was coming to him now, and then he understood why. He nodded to himself and said aloud, "Ancestors... Prophets... Force... whatever the fuck You are... if I'm supposed to be here on this starbase, if this wasn't a mistake, give me a sign."
Severin replicated a glass of ice water, then after he drank, pulled on his pajamas and climbed into bed. Sagan hopped on the bed with a chirp and climbed onto Severin's back, kneading and purring him back to sleep.
_
When Severin woke to his alarm, he still didn't feel entirely rested, but he'd manage somehow. He stumbled into the sonic shower, and then made himself drink coffee - something he otherwise hated - to help wake up. He ate steak and eggs for breakfast, and after feeding Sagan and giving him pettings, and talking baby talk to assure the cat he'd be back later, who was already protesting his departure, he made the journey to sickbay for another day.
Today was the day the Third Fleet arrived, badly battered from their latest encounter with the Klingons. The Abernathy had sustained particularly heavy damage, and several crew members had bad plasma burns, with two having lost limbs in an explosion. It was harrowing to work on them, especially when one of the amputees woke up just before given anaesthetic and grabbed at Severin with his free arm, screaming in horror, and had to be additionally sedated.
By the end of the day, Severin was on the verge of tears. He kept himself together for the sake of his patients and his staff, but he was starting to have flashbacks of the Dominion War. Before he left sickbay he visited the lavatory to splash cold water on his face and pull himself together, taking deep breaths, and he decided to give himself 1 cc of improvaline as a PRN, watching himself in the mirror as he used the hypospray.
The improvaline did its job, and by the time Severin was two meters away from sickbay his breathing noticeably changed. He thought about going straight to his quarters and making himself watch something stupid like an Adam Sandler movie to get his mind off things, but then he remembered his mental note to visit the arboretum. It had been so long since he'd been in anything like an actual forest, and he ached for that to his very core, remembering the wilds of El-Auria. Even though an arboretum on a space station wasn't remotely the same thing, it was bloody well good enough for what he needed right now.
The entrance to the arboretum had two sets of doors. After he stepped through the first doors, he noticed the next set were blast doors, and a split second after he noticed, the starbase's computer intoned, "Decontamination sequence in five seconds."
The first doors locked behind him, and Severin was sprayed down with a fine mist, which as a doctor he realized would be necessary for anyone entering or leaving the arboretum, to protect the life contained therein from foreign bacteria or spores that could grow invasive parasites. When the blast doors opened, Severin's breath caught at the sight of an actual babbling brook, trees for at least a kilometer, grass and wildflowers. "Fuck," he said, and then immediately felt sheepish about profanity in the presence of sacredness, but it was what it was.
There was a map a few paces into the arboretum that showed a hiking trail, but Severin was too tired to take it today. He opted for the path to the gardens, where he was rewarded with rows of exotic blooms, and dancing butterflies. He sighed happily as a butterfly perched on his finger for a moment, before flittering off.
"Lovely, isn't it?" came an unfamiliar voice.
Severin turned and saw a very tall man, about Dooku's height, with long silvering brown hair, some of it tied back into a ponytail with the rest down, a brown beard framing a smile, and bright blue eyes. He was wearing brown civilian clothes, loose-fitting, but carried tools on his belt.
"It's beautiful," Severin said.
The man nodded, and approached to shake his hand. "I'm Doctor Qui-Gon Jinn, the starbase's botanist."
"Doctor Severin Yusanis, chief medical officer. So you're responsible for this little piece of paradise? My compliments."
"Thank you. I also look after the parks, and there's a greenhouse for growing food on Deck 94 that I oversee as well."
"Oh good, so this starbase is mostly self-sustaining with food resources?"
Qui-Gon nodded. "Thankfully, in case a supply line gets disrupted in the war, we won't be forced to eat each other."
Severin laughed. "That's good news, at least." Severin gestured to the blue roses in front of them. "These are gorgeous."
"They're from my homeworld, Alpha Eridani II."
"Ah." Severin nodded. "I've never met anyone from there."
"Actually, you have. My husband, Obi-Wan Kenobi, is the first officer, and he's from there as well." Qui-Gon smiled. "Our names are from Eridani naming conventions."
"One of the Terran colonies to have done well."
"Indeed. I miss my homeworld very much, but at least I have a piece of it here." Qui-Gon then cocked his head to one side. "I've been hoping you'd stop by at some point."
"Oh really? Do you need something looked at? You can always drop by sickbay, please don't feel like you can't just because we're doing so much triage."
Qui-Gon chuckled. "It isn't that." He sighed. "You had a very brief conversation with my husband, where you mentioned your age, and that you're El-Aurian."
"Yes, I did." Severin was curious now. "I'm surprised he'd mention something so trivial to you."
"It's because it's not trivial, Doctor. I'm a quarter El-Aurian."
"Really." Severin's eyebrows went up at that.
Qui-Gon nodded solemnly. "My mother was half El-Aurian; her mother was El-Aurian."
"Did you ever meet your grandmother?"
"Yes. Her name is Temyra. She had left El-Auria when she was fairly young, wanting to explore the galaxy, and ended up on Eridani."
"Temyra, you say?" Severin felt a frisson up his spine, and he could feel himself break into gooseflesh; the hair on his arms and the back of his neck stood on end. "Doctor Jinn -"
"Please, call me Qui-Gon."
"Qui-Gon... would you care to come with me to my quarters for a moment? There's something I need to show you."
"All right."
They exited the blast doors, spent a moment in the decontamination field, and then Qui-Gon and Severin went to Severin's quarters in an almost reverent silence. Once they arrived, Qui-Gon began to fuss over Sagan, until Severin cleared his throat and gestured for Qui-Gon to come to the mantle. "Did she bear a resemblance to this woman at all?"
"She looks a great deal similar."
Severin opened a box on his kitchen table, which kept a tablet of images. He scanned through them until he found the right one. "Does she look like this?"
Qui-Gon's mouth opened and he nodded. "That's her."
"That's my daughter."
Qui-Gon's eyes shone brighter, with unshed tears. Severin felt the tears burning his own eyes, and he took a few deep breaths, his hands shaking as he put the tablet down. "I mean, the only way to prove for sure is DNA, but..."
"We can test DNA," Qui-Gon said, "but that's her."
Severin grabbed his medkit, and took a blood sample from Qui-Gon. He then accessed his own medical chart where his DNA was on file, and a few minutes later the computer confirmed that Qui-Gon was a match.
They sat on the couch together, just staring at the helix on the computer screen. "Unbelievable," Qui-Gon said.
"So..." Severin's hands were still shaking, and the tears were flowing now, though quietly. "Your grandmother... my daughter... is she still alive?"
"Oh yes." Qui-Gon nodded. "I talk to her once in awhile. Would you... like me to send a subspace transmission? We're both close enough to a relay to be able to talk in real time."
Severin found himself hugging Qui-Gon and squeezing him tight; Qui-Gon made a little squeak, but returned the hug, also tightly wrapping his arms around Severin, rocking him a little.
Qui-Gon brought Severin to the quarters he and Obi-Wan shared to make the call. Severin waited, and when the channel was open and went to visual, Qui-Gon said, "Grandmother! Hello!"
Temyra was in her kitchen, with a flowerbox on the windowsill; she was wearing a purple shawl over a dark blue blouse, and her auburn hair was in elaborate braids with some hanging loose, much like Sarenya had worn her hair a long time ago. "Hello, Qui-Gon," Temyra said, smiling warmly. "How is life treating you out there?"
"The same as usual."
"I hear the war with the Klingons is still going." She frowned. "You and Obi-Wan are all right, yes?"
"For now, yes." Qui-Gon nodded.
"Where is my grandson-in-law?" She looked around Qui's quarters.
"I'm in the bathroom, Grandma," Obi-Wan yelled from the lav.
Temyra laughed, shaking her head. "Thanks for sharing."
"You're welcome," Obi-Wan fired back.
"I have someone else here with me who wants to talk to you, Grandmother," Qui-Gon said.
Severin stood up, and approached the screen. Temyra's jaw dropped, her eyes wide.
"Father," she gasped.
"Hi," Severin said, and then at last broke down, crying hard, relieved to see her again... heartbroken that her mother wasn't here to see this moment. His heart seared with fire, intense love for the life he'd brought into the universe, pain and regret and grief at all the years without her, hope for the future.