Chapter Text
Somehow, Dooku and Severin managed to get through the dinner that Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan made for them without giving away how awkward the whole thing was. It was, indeed, intensely awkward for Severin, even moreso than the dinners where he'd been Shelby's "plus one" when she was schmoozing Starfleet Command higher-ups to try to get her way in. But he made himself focus on the food, and talk with Dooku about cats and literature, two fairly innocuous subjects.
When the meal was finished, Severin gave an exaggerated yawn and said, "Well, I think I should turn in early. As you know, the infirmary has had a lot of traffic lately..."
"Yes, indeed. I think I shall call it an early night myself. I need to keep my wits sharp," Dooku said, giving Qui-Gon a look as if to say so I can impale both of you later, you idiots.
Qui-Gon chuckled, and Severin realized immediately Qui-Gon thought they were talking about going to bed early for something other than sleep. He held back a facepalm. "All right, you crazy kids," Qui-Gon said, even though Severin was his great-grandfather. "Sleep tight."
Severin couldn't wait to be out of there. Unfortunately, now he and Dooku had quarters across the hall from each other, and going in the opposite direction would just prolong him getting back to his quarters and getting the hell away from everyone and everything. So he swallowed his pride and kept lockstep beside Dooku, heading for the turbolift.
There was a very awkward silence - even moreso than at the dinner - and Severin felt his anger starting to boil. As the turbolift doors opened on their deck, Severin opened his mouth, about to say something, and then Dooku turned and got in his path. Severin felt a frisson through him at the proximity of Dooku's body, feeling the heat... smelling a touch of his cologne. He looked into those rich dark chocolate eyes and he did not want to want, but he did.
"Sev... we need to talk," Dooku said.
"There is nothing to talk about."
"As you know, I am your commanding officer. This is getting to the point where it is affecting both of our job performances, and now has affected at least some members of the crew."
"Fine, I'll ask for a transfer." Wouldn't be the first time.
Severin tried to sidestep him and Dooku grabbed Severin's wrist. And while Severin would object, and probably punch, anyone else who handled him in such a manner, Dooku's grip on his wrist reminded him too much of the times they'd had sex, when Dooku had grabbed his wrists, dominating him, and Severin had loved it, bucking underneath him, writhing, begging for more. Severin swallowed hard, his mouth suddenly dry, and he hated that Dooku was an empath and a telepath and likely knew exactly what he was thinking... exactly how he was responding to that gesture, his cock stirring.
"You are not asking for a transfer." Their eyes met, and Dooku's eyes narrowed. His nostrils flared. "Dammit, Sev, I need you."
Severin's mouth dropped open.
"I need a competent chief medical officer with this war happening. You've seen it. This is the worst possible time for you to leave. But also... I need you." Dooku let go of Severin's wrist, and he reached out to stroke Severin's cheek, tenderly. "I love you, Sev. Thirty-five years hasn't changed that. It's only reinforced that. We're better together."
"What was it you told me thirty-five years ago?" Severin was even angrier now, because he so desperately wanted to say yes, I need you too, but there was his pride... and fear of getting hurt all over again. Fear of history repeating itself. "That I'm a source of emotional compromise for you. That was during the Dominion War, and this war that we're in now makes that war look like child's play. You really think it's a good idea for us to get re-involved when you said yourself that you'd be willing to do desperate things for the man you love?"
"I did say that," Dooku said, nodding, trying to not betray his hurt with his expression or his tone, but Severin could hear it anyway. His people were listeners, after all. "But that was then, this is now. I was wrong to push you away. Whether you're here or somewhere else, I will still love you. Yes, it is possible that I may make an improper command decision to try to protect you or rescue you. But I believe it was you who told me years before that, There's just as many bad decisions made in the pain of loneliness and lack of connection, as there are from the pain of attachment and trying to protect the people you love. You are my weakness, Sev, but you are also my strength. And I need that now."
Severin closed his eyes, not wanting to cry. Not wanting to give in. But he ached so much. He still loved Dooku, even more than he'd loved Sarenya, someone he'd shared hundreds of years with. Dooku and Severin got each other on a deeper level. They were both bound to a higher purpose, like two parts of a greater whole. The space between the time they'd broken up, and the time their paths had crossed once more, was like a raw wound. It felt as if fate itself had brought them back together to get it right this time...
...and he was still afraid.
Severin pushed Dooku aside, and walked on by, not looking back.
"Where are you going?" Dooku shouted after him.
Severin paused outside the door of his quarters, and ducked in without another word. And when he flomped down on his couch, with Sagan climbing all over him purring, it was then that Severin let himself weep.
_
Severin got no sleep that night. He still made himself go to the infirmary when his shift started, much as he knew that if any of his staff showed up this tired, he would order them back to their quarters, preferring to be short-staffed than have someone botch a procedure. But he wasn't just anyone, and he knew what his limits were. He replicated himself several cups of coffee.
Qui-Gon came in at his usual time to bring Severin homemade lunch. Severin would normally be grateful to see one of his own blood, but as soon as he started yawning, chugging more coffee, Qui-Gon gave him a pointed look, and Severin realized right away that looked incredibly bad in the context of last night.
"I take it you and the Admiral enjoyed yourselves?" Qui-Gon raised an eyebrow with a smirk.
Severin raised an eyebrow back. "That's a weird thing to ask about your great-grandfather. Just saying."
"All right, point taken. I suppose that's inappropriate. I'm sorry if I offended you."
"Hi Sorry If I Offended You," Severin said, before taking a bite of his sandwich.
Qui-Gon facepalmed. "I walked into that."
Then Severin chuckled and patted his arm. He looked around to make sure they were alone, and he leaned back in his chair. "Actually..." He took a deep breath. "My discomfort with the subject isn't so much because you're my great-grandson, we're both adults and we know people get up to adult activities. It's because..." Severin put down his sandwich and pinched the bridge of his nose. "The Admiral and I are old history. We're not back together, Qui-Gon."
Qui-Gon's eyes widened with shock. Then he scowled. "Why the hell not?"
"What do you mean, why the hell not? Things didn't work out thirty-five years ago. The problems that caused our breakup then haven't resolved themselves."
"I know you're in love with him. I may only be a quarter El-Aurian, but I still have enough in me to hear it in your voice, hear it in his voice, listen and observe that the two of you are crazy about each other. Emphasis on the word crazy, because it is completely mad to me that you -"
Severin put up his hand and shook his head. "Going forward, please don't with the surprise dinners and... and... trying to intervene in my relationship with him. Or I should say, lack thereof. Because we are never, ever, ever getting back together."
Qui-Gon got up then, and gave Severin a withering look. "Keep telling yourself that, Grandfather. Sounds like you need a lot of convincing." He turned on his heel and started walking away.
"Where are you going?" Severin asked, realizing he sounded exactly like how Dooku did last night.
"Somewhere, before I yell at you about the mistake you're making. You are my elder, and you're acting like a stubborn child. I can't take it."
"Yeah, fuck you too," Severin muttered under his breath after Qui-Gon left.
He felt guilty, saying that in his great-grandson's general direction, but he also felt stung. Most of all because he knew Qui-Gon was right.
_
When Severin's shift was over, he dragged himself to his quarters. He took a long shower, replicated himself some food, but found himself picking at it. His mind was replaying the encounter with Dooku over and over again. Those words of love.
And once again, Severin found himself getting angry. The nerve of him, to say this now, after everything.
Severin got up, not thinking, just feeling. "Computer. Where is Admiral Dooku?"
The computer replied, "Admiral Dooku is in Holodeck 4."
"Computer, what program is running in Holodeck 4?"
"Fencing."
Of course. Severin realized he should have already known that, but he was running on fumes... and spite.
It had been decades since Severin last fenced with Dooku. He went over to the replicator. "Fencing outfit," Severin said. Once the replicator materialized the proper attire, Severin changed out of his pajamas and put it on.
Then he made a detour to the infirmary. He had something to pick up.
_
Severin used his security override to open Holodeck 4. Dooku was fencing with a computer-generated opponent, and Severin paused a moment, not able to keep from looking at the beauty and grace of Dooku moving, swinging his sword, almost like a dance.
Then Dooku stopped and yelled, "Computer, freeze program." He turned, lifted up his fencing mask, and gave Severin a look.
Severin gave a fencing salute with his bat'leth. "En garde, motherfucker."