Chapter Text
La’an and Maya’s initial reunion was quiet and unremarkable. They treated each other as strangers rather than two women who had once lived together and considered each other family. They exchanged terse pleasantries, barely saying a word and keeping their distance as if there was a wall between them. They began their journey in silence, not a word spoken until the were well outside of Earth’s orbit.
“I…never knew you were a pilot.” Maya struggled to find something neutral to talk about. She looked straight ahead at the stars.
“I wouldn’t call myself a pilot, but Earth to Mars is a short, straightforward trip.” La’an, too, avoided eye contact.
Another long, heavy silence before Maya spoke again. At first she opened her mouth and inhaled, but she paused before she formed a single word, unsure of how to put her thoughts into words. She might have abandoned everything if La’an hadn’t turned her head to look right at her. “I suppose you’re expecting me to beg for forgiveness.”
“I’m trying not to expect anything.” La’an looked away again, busying herself with the shuttles controls “I’m sure you had reasons for the choices you made, even if I can’t begin to guess them.”
“I doubt you would understand. You were probably allowed to make mistakes when you were young.”
La’an stayed silent for a moment. She kept her eyes down at the controls but this time she didn’t try to pretend to work. “I had hoped you trusted me enough to feel safe asking for help.”
“La’an.” Maya took a deep breath to brace herself. “I have never, and probably never will trust a person enough to admit that kind of weakness. What I will admit is that I was wrong in how I handled it. I was deeply ashamed and let it affect my judgment.”
“I figured as much. Still, I don’t think it would have done you any harm to keep up with some for of communication.”
Maya kept looking straight ahead. They were close to Mars, the red planet growing larger with each passing moment. “You’re right.” She sat quietly until the Enterprise began to come into view, “it’s strange to think that the last time I was on this ship I was a prisoner.”
“This is a new Enterprise. You’ve never been on this ship.”
Once the shuttle landed inside the shuttle bay and the door opened, Maya and La’an were greeting by Captain Saavik, her executive officer—a tall human man, and a handful of the other senior officers. Maya, however paid little attention to anyone other than the Captain. The Vulcan woman had sharp features and bright eyes, and her tailored uniform and neatly styled hair made Maya feel uncomfortably out of place and unkempt. She couldn’t say why, though, not when she had seen countless other people in the same uniforms.
The executive officer play the traditional tones on a boatswain’s pipe, and Saavik offered La’an a slight yet respectful bow of her head.
“Welcome aboard, Admiral. I am Captain Saavik, and this is my first officer, Commander Caraccilo.”
“A pleasure,” La’an answered. “Unfortunately my time aboard will be brief, as I am only an escort. This is Maya, the consultant from Ceti Alpha V.”
“Thank you, La’an,” Maya began with a note of bitter pride. “But I can speak for myself.” Both the Captain and the Executive Officer had their eyes on her, and in that moment Maya realized that she was in the uncomfortable position of wanting her voice heard but having nothing to say. Caraccilo’s expectant look and whatever opinions he had of her mattered little, but the fear of looking foolish and ruining her first impression with Saavik…Captain Saavik…made her want to shrink away, crawl into the shuttle, and fly herself backwards to Earth. “In the interest of transparency, I have some hesitations about the mission.”
“These concerns can be addressed in our first meeting, which is scheduled for 1900 hours.”
So cold. So terse, even for a Vulcan. Dammit, she had ruined everything already, hadn’t she?
“Then we’ll talk again in about four hours,” Maya answered.
“Admiral Noonien-Singh.” Saavik’s attention was back to La’an. “We will be leaving Mars in two hours. You are welcome to see any part of the ship and use that time as you see fit.”
“Thank you, Captain, but I think I’d like to just have something to eat and be on me way.” She looked to Maya. “Do you want to join me?”
Maya shook her head. She had enough uncomfortable conversations with La’an. “No, I have my consultation to prepare for.”
La’an tried to hide her disappointment, but her face still fell. “I understand.”
“Commander Caraccilo will lead you to your quarters.” Saavik continued. “We will speak again soon.”
Maya had four hours to spare, and despite the excuses she gave to avoid spending more time with La’an, she did not need that much time to prepare. She had an idea of what sort of questions would be asked and knew what she wanted to say, and so after she dropped offer her few belongings in her quarters she found herself with plenty of time but little to do to fill it.
Little to do but not nothing. Maya was due for a physical before the left Mars, and when she left her quarters she felt a wave of shame over just how long it had been. If she wasn’t hurt or feeling unwell it all seemed like a long, elaborate waste of time. After living the first quarter century of her life in a primitive planet, in some ways she still had to remind herself of the ease and accessibility of modern technology: that there was no need to take half a day to walk across town, or to limp around for weeks on a mild ankle sprain, or to hold on to every belonging as if it was irreplaceable.
As she walked through the corridors of this Enterprise, Maya tried to spot the difference between this ship and the previous ship to bear the same name, but in truth she had seen so little of it that she couldn’t make much of a judgment. The flooring was different, at least, and the walls. Another difference kept coming up in her mind: the Captain. Any line of thought that went through Maya’s mind would inevitably circle back to Saavik: wondering about what sort of person she was or if she might be able to remediate any damage done in their botched first encounter.
Sickbay, though, there she could see more differences. The place was familiar enough to be recognizable but just unfamiliar enough to make the familiarity unsettling…or maybe after ten years her memory was unreliable.
When she entered a nurse looked up from her work and offered a warm, welcoming smile. She was short and slim and had shoulder-length brown hair, but it was her round blue eyes that let Maya know who she was speaking to.
“You must be Maya Noonien-Singh,” the nurse began.
“And you must be Joanna McCoy.” Maya guessed as she sat in the edge of the nearest bio bed.
“Lucky guess.” Joanna immediately went to work with her tricorder. “Or did my dad drop a few hints?”
“That was it, and you look like him.”
Joanna sighed and shook her head. “I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve heard that. Just curious, what would you say if someone told you how much you looked like your father?”
“I would tell them they had absolutely no tact.”
Joanna chuckled softly. “Noted. Now, I’m hoping there’s some mistake here, but according to your records your last physical was before…well excuse my lack of tact again…before you dropped out of Starfleet Academy.”
Before Maya answered, she looked into Joanna’s eye, trying to project the thought in her head because somehow that seemed easier than saying a word. “No, that’s…that’s correct.”
“Any reason?” Joanna showed no signs of judgement, just asking a simple question.
“Not any good ones.” Maya sighed,
“I’ll spare you the lecture, then. I’m sure you’ve heard it before.” Joanna set down the tricorder and began taking notes on a PADD. “Whatever you’re doing, keep it up, you’re like an elite athlete.” Maya took that as an invitation to leave to leave and hopped off of the bio bed, but without looking up from her work Joanna held up one finger to stop her. “Hold on, I never said you were done. I have a few more questions.” Maya’s shoulders slumped and she sat back down. “I wanted to ask about the virus you were in grated with, the one that was engineered to target augments.”
“You would have to read Doctor Kimani’s reports. I had no involvement in its creation, I only spread it.”
“I know, I’m not interested in its creation, I want to know if it’s still affecting you.”
“A little, but no one believes me about it. You saw it for yourself, when compared to the average human I’m incredibly fit, there’s no indication that anything is wrong from me, I only have my insistence that I know my body and I haven’t felt normal in ten years.”
“For what it’s worth I do believe you.” Joanna took a few more quick notes. “Unless you have any questions, i don’t need anything else from you, And I’m glad to have you with us. I think we might have been doomed without your help.”
Maya hopped off the bio bed again, this time with no objections. “I wish I had your optimism. I think we’re doomed regardless.” She began to walk away. “And I’m also afraid I may have gone and ruined my first impression with the captain, so I’m struggling to keep a positive attitude.”
“Don’t be so sure of that,” Joanna called.
Maya froze and turned to look back at Joanna, her eyes wide. “Why is that?” She gasped and put a hand over her mouth. “Did she…she didn’t say anything about me already, did she?”
“What? No. I only meant that Vulcans are hard to read…” After a moment of realization a playful grin appeared on Joanna’s face. “Oh…I think know what you’re thinking.”
Maya blinked, not making the connection herself at first, but when it hit her she gasped and stepped back. “Absolutely not!”
“On the off chance I’m right, don’t go any make anything awkward, Maya. You might not be Starfleet, but Saavik’s still your boss.”