Chapter Text
Saavik and Demora removed their fencing masks after one of their regular practice sessions. Saavik appreciated that this sport had a strong element of technique and strategy. Even with her Vulcan strength, Saavik found Demora to be a formidable opponent, on account of her years of experience in the sport—Demora started in childhood, while Saavik had less than a year of practice. Still, Saavik had been a quick study with her skill far ahead of such an inexperienced fencer.
“Demora, I find myself in need of advice.” Today’s session had been less than satisfactory. While it would not be logical to expect peak performance everyday, this might be one facet of a deeper problem.
“Well, your footwork was a bit less precise that usual.” Demora sat on a bench and inhaled deeply. Unlikely her Vulcan friend, this practice session had been physically challenging for her. Her skin glistened with sweat, and her breathing had not yet recovered to its usual rate. “I can show you a few drills to help with that.”
“My concern is not with my fencing technique, however I am certain that the distractions have been detrimental to my performance.” Saavik sat beside Demora but looked straight ahead as she spoke. “What I wish to share is a deeply private matter.”
Saavik sat in silence as she processed her thoughts. There was a human who haunted her mind. Thoughts of her filled all the quiet, empty moments and even tried to creep in and distract her when she needed to exercise the utmost logical concentration. Saavik had tried to purge (or at least bury) those troubling emotions through meditation or by filling every waking moment with some high-focus task to deny her mind the chance to wander, but to no avail.
“The details of Vulcan culture are rarely discussed with outsiders, so I take it you are not familiar with the concept of Shon-ha’lock.”
Demora simply shrugged.
“Its closest translation is ‘The Engulfment.’ It refers to an unconventional means by which a mate can be found, when thoughts of a person can consume the admirer’s mind. Until I found myself in my present state, I had incorrectly assumed that such accounts were exaggerated, however I find myself distracted by thoughts of this person. It is both inescapable and illogical.”
Saavik had spent far more time thinking about this particular human than she had spent in her presence, and the more she tried to drive those thoughts from her mind, the more the plagued her. The untamed dark hair that framed her face, the way she furrowed her brows when concentrating, and even the way she way quick to talk without thinking…all points of endless fascination.
Demora gasped and her eyes brightened. “Saavik…do you have a crush on someone? Who is it? Don’t worry, I won’t tell a soul.”
“It makes no difference. Shon-ha’lock should not occur in a Vulcan who is already bonded.”
“Well…”. Demora shrugged and brushed a few loose strands of sweaty hair out of eyes. “Plenty of people have more than one partner. In some cultures it’s the norm.”
Saavik quickly turned her head to face Demora. “It is not the norm on Vulcan.”
“Honestly, I’m not sure I’m the best person to ask for advice.” Demora wiped the sweat from her brow. “I don’t know the nuances of your culture, and I’m afraid any advice I might offer would be too human and illogical to be useful to you.”
“Demora, there is no one else I would trust with such a personal matter.”
“No one? Not even Spock? I think another Vulcan would understand the situation better.”
“Spock is too busy to concern himself with my personal affairs.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure.” Demora stood up, placed her mask on the bench, and arched her back to stretch. “You talk about him like he’s your dad, I don’t think he’d mind taking a few minutes to talk things over. But if you still want my illogical, human advice…” She paused to look for any signs of encouragement on Saavik’s face. “Well, it’s complicated. I don’t know that I want to encourage you to go behind Tural’s back or do anything dishonest, but you said you only see him once every seven years and don’t even speak to him much more than that. I don’t see why he would care, or even notice.”
“So your advice is to pursue this relationship?”
“I mean, this other person might not even like you back, which would make this all a moot point, but if you were hoping to hear that you should bury your feelings or ignore them or something you came to the wrong person.” Demora sighed. “Sorry, that probably didn’t help at all.”
“I expected no less, but it is still a relief to give voice to my concerns. Perhaps it will clear some of these consuming thoughts from mind.” Saavik stood up and turned to face her friend. “Thank you, both for the conversation and for another satisfying practice session.”
“One more piece of advice before you go…I really do think you should talk to Spock, or at least think about it a little more before dismissing the idea entirely.”
“I will give this suggestion the consideration it is due, however my situation is a temporary one. After the successful conclusion of our mission, Maya Noonien-Singh will return to Earth, and it is unlikely we will see one another again.”
“You sure you’ll forget about her when she’s gone?”
“I can only hope.”
Maya would only be aboard the Enterprise briefly, but much of that time would be spent working closely with Saavik: further consultations, working on the planet’s surface, and their new commitment to playing chess. She would have to meditate. A challenge laid in front of her, but not an impossible one.
After their previous consultation and three more games of chess, Maya and Saavik should have started to feel more comfortable around one another, but instead they became more tense, more guarded, with an invisible wall growing between them. This consultation was between the two of them alone. They sat across from each other at the table in Saavik’s ready room. With just the two of them, and no sound other than the soft whirr of the ship’s machinery in the background, the room felt cavernous and lonely.
“I wish to review with you the short list of candidates for the away team,” Saavik began. Her eyes were cast down at her PADD, but her gaze stayed still rather than skimming the information on the screen.
Maya nodded. “I looked through it, but you’re going to be a much better judge than I am. The only one of these people who I’ve spent any time with is Joanna McCoy.”
“And what is your opinion of Nurse McCoy?”
“Honestly more of it is personal than professional, and even then I think some of my opinion is shaped by the rapport I have with her father.” Maya leaned back, relaxing a bit in her seat. “She has a compassionate heart, she listened earnestly when I shared medical concerns that others have dismissed, and her files showed that she’s got experience treating refugees in remote locations. Have you see how she handles being in danger? Is she willing to fight dirty?”
“I have seen her, when threatened, bite a man and draw blood.”
Maya smiled. “Good. She has my vote.”
There were ten names in the list in total, and for most of them Maya could only shrug, admit she didn’t know the person but that she had no objection and was pleased to trust the Captain’s judgment.
“Doctor Thomas Rudd?” Saavik asked as they made their way down the list.
“Another medical professional wouldn’t be a bad idea, but if it’s either or, I think McCoy is the better fit.”
Maya gave a vote against two ensigns who seemed too young and inexperienced, and the final name in the list was…
“Demora Sulu.”
“The pilot,” Maya recalled. “Because of the concerns with beaming down to the planet?” Saavik nodded. “I have a question…is it understood that I’m meant to be a part of the landing party?”
“It is. That is one reason why I value your input. In the event of an emergency, these people will be responsible for your safety. We can discuss any concerns you may have, but understand that you are under no obligation to put yourself under any undue risk.”
“No…I’ve thought about it, and I really should be there, but I have another question. Is it also understood that you will be a part of the landing party?”
“No, it is not.”
Maya placed both hands on the table and leaned forward. “You would send others into danger and stay safely behind yourself. Why?”
“As the captain if I were to be killed or incapacitated, the ship would be left without a commanding officer.”
“That’s not a terrible reason, but it doesn’t make you seem like any less of a coward.”
Saavik straightened her spine. “I will give this feedback the consideration it is due.”
“Let me look through the list again.” Maya reached for the PADD, but the tips of her fingers brushed against Saavik’s. For a moment they froze, fingertips touching and eyes locked until Maya pulled her hand back and shrank away. She rolled her shoulders forward and looked down at her lap. “I…I’m sorry.”
Saavik said nothing and simply pushed the PADD across the table. Maya quickly scrolled through the list, not reading a word and barely noticing any of the information on the screen. She still didn’t look up, even as she spoke. “If there isn’t another Vulcan on this ship, it would behoove you to go along anyway. Doctor T’Ralia found that the Vulcan brain is resistant to Ceti eels. Someone needs to stay lucid if it comes to that.”
“You bring up the Ceti eels often.”
“Because I don’t think I can overemphasize the threat they pose, unless by some rare stroke of luck the were all killed when the planet went bad.” Maya straightened herself back up and once again found enough bold confidence to look Saavik in the eye. She spoke quicker and louder but not quick raising her voice. “Mind control, Captain, I don’t think I need to explain the horrifying implications The only outcomes are an agonizing death or if you’re lucky enough to get T’Ralia serum permanent brain damage. I’ve seen people controlled by them, killed by them, and injured from the only cure. Damned if I’m going to see it happen again…Captain.”
“I will give these concerns the consideration which they are due.” Saavik’s response was calm and measured, a stark contrast to Maya’s passionate appeals. “And I will re-read Doctor T’Ralia’s reports on the Ceti eels.”
“Everyone going down to the planet should have their own supply of the serum and the antidote.”
Saavik nodded and made a quick note on her PADD.
“Maybe send some down with the medical supplies, I can tell you Augments are not immune to the eels.”
“That suggestion would have of more value earlier. I am not certain that large quantities can be synthesized within our time frame.”
Maya slumped back again. “Never mind then. To be honest, most of them would probably rather die than live with brain damage, anyway.” She leaned forward again, trying to steal a glance at Saavik’s notes.
“I would rather make an attempt than rely on an assumption that could prove to be false.” Saavik skimmed her notes one last time. “Is there anything else you wished to discuss?”
Maya shook her head, “No, only that, again, I am sorry about…”. She glanced down to Saavik’s hands and took a deep breath,
“You have done nothing wrong, and there is no need to apologize.”
Maya breathed a sigh of relief. “Chess tonight? It’s been a while.”
“No. I’m afraid I no longer have the time.”
“Oh.” Maya shrank back in her seat again and tried to force a slight smile. “I understand.”