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Kathryn carefully got out of bed, fidgeting with the hem of her one of her shorter length nightgowns, before toeing her slippers on. She glanced back at Chakotay who looked like he was having a pleasant dream, deciding it was unfair on him to keep tossing and turning, staring at the ceiling, sighing hoping she wasn’t doing that too loudly.
The doors opened just enough for her to slip through without setting of the motion detectors. Walking the short distance to her quarters, she retrieved a hair elastic from a bowl on the entry way table.
Quickly tying her hair back into a high ponytail, she went to her desk and opened the computer. Selecting the files that Tuvok had informed her contained the relevant details of their arrangement with the Vidiians. The components of the cure for virus along with several scientific analysis produced by The Doctor. How the crew reached a decision to circumvent her direct orders to continue to the Alpha Quadrant. Why he decided to be solely responsible for choosing to return for them and adding another several months onto their already long journey back home.
Deciding that reading was for when she was on duty and more alert then she felt at the moment, she needed a friendly ear more than jumbling words on a screen, she tapped her comm badge. “Janeway to Tuvok.”
“Tuvok here. Do you need something Captain?”
Realising she may have interrupted his meditation, “It can wait until morning Tuvok.”
“I am available to you now if you wish. I have completed my meditation and am having a cup of Vulcan Spiced tea.” He didn’t need to say he had replicated a cup of the brew for her, she already knew he would do that.
Kathryn smiled at the Vulcan’s intuitiveness. “Give me a couple of minutes. Janeway out.” She went to the sofa, picking up a sweater to cover her up because she couldn’t be bothered to look for a robe.
~
Pressing the chime on Tuvok’s door Kathryn waited for him to call out. “Come in.” Kathryn entered the space she’d spent a little time in since they’d started their journey back to the Alpha Quadrant.
Handing Kathryn a fresh cup of Vulcan Spiced tea, he took in her appearance trying not to question her choice of attire. She was still wearing her night clothes with a man’s sweater over the top of them which looked far too large on her petite frame.
“To what do I owe this pleasure?”
Taking a sip of drink her Kathryn went towards the view port to look at the stars she was refamiliarising herself with. “I couldn’t sleep.” She took a seat on the sofa, waiting for Tuvok to do the same.
“And you did not wish to wake Commander Chakotay.”
Gently shaking her head, Kathryn quietly spoke. “That obvious?”
Tuvok waited a few moments before speaking. “You and the commander were already close. Being together for three months outside of Voyagers command structure, changes to your relationship were inevitable.”
“I kept making him wait, putting all of these bullshit excuses up for why it would be a bad idea. He persisted but he was also incredibly patient.” She smiled when she remembered the extent he went to, to hide the bathtub from her until it was finished. “The things he did to make our lives out there more comfortable, bearable.”
Picking up on something that kathryn wasn’t saying, the weight of it clearly written on her face. “Are you concerned about the crew? About your relationship? Another matter?”
Even with several years of friendship between them, his knack for hitting the nail on the head could be unnerving. “My only concern for the crew is that they’re happy and know that they can come to me with any issues they may be having…” she paused for a split second. “I keep thinking that if we disclose ship-wide, it could become a problem. For example, if we had an argument in private that spilled over into our working relationship, what harm would that do to the crew? What harm would it do to us?” she paused again. “What if we only disclosed to those we trusted the most?”
Tuvok flashed a slight smile at Kathryn, she had used some logical arguments in her assessments but had missed off something he felt was vital to seeing the bigger picture. “Do you love the Commander?”
Briefly taken aback by the question, Kathryn answered “Yes,” a bit more firmly than she intended, sounding more like the Captain than Kathryn. “Our relationship is still new but I am in love with him. I know this will sound cheesey to you old friend, but I can’t see my life without him in it.”
Gently patting her arm, Tuvok placed his now empty mug on the coffee table. “For the disclosure, you and the commander could choose one crew member each to confide in. when you’re ready to let the rest of the crew aware, you have that choice.”
“That’s actually brilliant!” Kathryn smiled brightly at him, “You were my only choice and I know that Chakotay and B’Elanna are close. I’ll speak to him about it tomorrow.” Placing her mug on the table, she got up to leave. “Get some sleep,” she said at the doors opened to let her out onto the corridor.
~
Chakotay kept closing his eyes and opening them again. He reached out to touch Kathryn, who wasn’t beside him as he had expected her to be. Letting out a frustrated sigh he got out of bed, walking towards the living room “computer lights twenty percent” he said, looking around while the room quickly brightened, quickly realising that Kathryn wasn’t there.
Rather than asking the computer to locate her, he put jacket on over his pyjamas, leaving his quarters he made the short walk along the corridor to Kathryn’s hoping that she’d be there. When he got no answer from the chime, he used his override code to enter, looking around but still unable to find her. Her comm badge was on her desk where she’d left it before they had dinner together.
He left the empty living space, opting to stroll around the ship, hoping that he’d find Kathryn engrossed in an engineering task that B’Elanna had left for her, like she often did before their time on New Earth or chatting to one of the scientists on Gamma shift about an unexpected problem with their data.
~
Approaching the mess hall, Chakotay carefully stepped into the deserted communal area. He spotted a lonely figure in the far corner with their back to the viewport and feet resting against a chair, enjoying a late night drink.
Walking towards the person he realised it was Kathryn who looked like she needed some time to herself. “So, this is where you’re hiding?” he said as he approached the table, trying to keep the obvious relief out of his voice.
“I couldn’t sleep.” Kathryn looked at the source of the intrusion to her alone time. “Did I wake you?”
Chakotay shook his head. “No, I didn’t even hear you get up.” He glanced at her partially drunk beverage.“What are you drinking?” he asked before moving her feet from the chair and sitting down, placing her feet on his lap. “Where did you go?”
“I was with Tuvok. He actually had a brilliant idea about us.” She said while trying to gauge what his reaction would be knowing that the two men didn’t get along all that well.
“Am I going to like it? This ‘Vulcan’ idea?”
“He said that we could disclose to just one crewmember each before we let everyone know. I disclosed to him.”
Chakotay let out a slight sigh at the suggestion and the fact that Kathryn had already confided in someone on the crew. “I’ll see when B’Elanna’s free and talk to her about us.”
“Cranberry and mint tea,” Kathryn finally answered his first question, trying to forget about the sickness bug she had while they were on New Earth, which had worried chakotay as he thought it was the alien virus, and he felt helpless when she couldn’t keep anything down apart from fruit infused teas for several days. “I thought it might help me sleep but all I keep thinking about Is New Earth and what we’d be doing with our day especially as it was coming into spring.”
“Homesick?”
Kathryn nodded, wiping the threatening tears with the back of her hands. “Something like that but it’s more that I feel like…” she gestured around the room “I’m now just a guest on this ship. It’s going to take some time to adjust to being the Captain again and living on a starship.”
Chakotay gently rubbed Kathryn's feet. “I know what you mean. I keep thinking that I’ll wake up and we’ll be back there. Making love, working on our projects, exploring our home and just trying to make the best of it.”
“I’ve been tempted to do something rather ridiculous,” Kathryn said, eyes sparkling as she got the hidden thought out of her head into the open. “Stealing one of the shuttles and going back to the planet.”
Chakotay let out a soft laugh. “I’ve had the same thought myself a few times. As much I came to love our life on the planet, I love our life on Voyager more.”
“I know what you mean,” Kathryn smiled at the sentiment of his statement. “Maybe we should try to get some sleep, we’re on duty soon and we’ll need breakfast.”
Chakotay removed her legs from his lap, standing, he held out his hand to her. She accepted the offer, linking their arms they made their way out of the mess hall to the turbolift to go back down to their quarters.