Chapter Text
As Icheb reached the isolation chamber, he could see through the window that Maren was sitting up and drinking a nutrition supplement – not her preferred breakfast, but probably the most beneficial, under the circumstances. He noted that it was amazing what 14 hours could do – even with his enhanced vision, as he looked through the slightly tinted transparent aluminum, it almost appeared as if the previous 24 hours hadn’t happened. Her nose was still visibly swollen, but the angry purple welts were gone. Except for a number of shiny reddish-pink patches on her face and ears where the worst of the damage had been, her skin looked smooth and pale.
“Lieutenant,” M’riss greeted him as he reached the door. “I take it you’re here for a visit?”
“Yes,” Icheb said, nodding. “May I enter?”
M’riss cocked her head and looked at him curiously. “The sterrrilization field won’t affect your implants?” she asked. “I’m sorry,” she added. “I don’t know much about Borrrg biology.”
Icheb shook his head. “I’ll be fine,” he said.
M’riss nodded. “All rrright,” she purred. “Follow me.”
Icheb tried to remain composed as he followed the Caitian doctor into Maren’s isolation room. All he really wanted was to run to her and embrace her, but he wasn’t sure if that would damage her or not.
Inside the room, it was uncomfortably warm. As he passed through the sterilization field, his skin tingled slightly. His implants registered the field and gave him a detailed analysis, but issued no warnings.
Maren looked over at them as they entered the chamber. “Icheb!” she cried. An excited grin started to spread across her face, but as it stretched the raw patches of new skin, she winced and quickly stopped smiling. Her eyes still shone with happiness as she looked at him, though, and he wondered, not for the first time, how he had been fortunate enough for her to fall in love with him.
“Hello, Maren,” he said, smiling back at her. He glanced at the doctor. “Will it harm her if I – “
“No,” M’riss cut him off, anticipating the question. “You can touch her. Just avoid the damaged areas on her face.”
Well, that ruled out kissing, Icheb thought with disappointment. Up this close, he could see that Maren’s lips were bright pink and slightly swollen. “Would you excuse us?” he asked M’riss.
“Of courrrrse,” the Caitian replied, and left the room to give them some privacy.
Gently, Icheb took a seat at the foot of Maren’s bed and took one of her hands in his. With her free hand, she shoved away the tray table that held her nutritional supplement and a PADD. “How do you feel?” he asked her.
Maren relaxed against the biobed slightly. “A lot better now that you’re here,” she said, squeezing his hand. “How did you even get clearance to come down?”
“Commander Schmidt ordered me to transport as soon as Dr. Abbott notified us of your condition,” he said. “I presume you already knew that I lied about the trip to Andor,” he added. “I’m very sorry. I didn’t want to assist him, but I had no choice.”
“I know,” Maren said. “And I know you tried to help me. Thank you for that.”
Icheb sighed. “I just hope Commander Schmidt doesn’t find out,” he said. “He was suspicious.”
“I’ll never tell,” she said, with just enough of a smile to convey her emotion without straining her healing skin. She squeezed his hand again. “Besides, I think he’s got other things on his mind by now. You know whenever one of us gets really messed up during the test, they always launch an inquiry.”
Icheb’s eyes blurred. Really messed up was an understatement. “You nearly died,” he said, gripping her hand tight. His voice came out as barely more than a whisper. “Why didn’t you activate your beacon? You could have come home and tried again next month. The second test is always easier than the first.”
With her free hand, she reached out and brushed a tear away from his cheek. “For the same reason you didn’t activate yours,” she said. He voice was gentle, but pointed. Her green eyes locked on his. “I guess we’re both stubborn,” she added, with another tiny smile.
Icheb nodded and forced back his tears. He was supposed to be comforting her, not the other way around. He glanced up at her biobed readout. Her oxygen level was up to 95 percent. “Have they determined whether there will be any permanent damage from the oxygen deprivation?” he asked.
Maren shook her head. “They’re still running tests,” she said. “I’m sure that when I get back to San Francisco I’ll have to do the whole cognitive battery all over again, and probably have a psych eval. They’re convinced no sane person would do what I did, and maybe they’re right. I don’t know what I was thinking, leaving the pod. I just wanted to win so badly. I knew Schmidt wanted me to fail, and there was no way I was going to give him the satisfaction.”
“I’m not convinced it’s satisfaction he was after,” Icheb said.
Maren narrowed her eyes in confusion. “What do you mean?” she asked.
“I learned a few things about him last night,” Icheb said. “I don’t think he’s actually a sadist. I think he’s trying to teach us when to quit.”
“Quit? Quit what? Starfleet?”
“No. I mean I think he wants us to realize that sometimes you have to give up.” Icheb had given a lot of thought to this issue over the past 24 hours, and after hearing Neil’s story about Caris, he had been convinced he was right. “We spend four years at the Academy learning to persist in the face of difficulties, to overcome them and succeed,” he said. “Even the Kobayashi Maru is set up that way – we’re expected to keep trying, even in the face of certain failure. But I believe Commander Schmidt has turned this test into a test of something very different – I think the true way to pass the first test is to punch out.”
Maren screwed up her face in utter confusion, but winced as the expression pulled on her raw skin. Returning her face to a more neutral expression, she said, “But you passed the test on the first try, and they didn’t make you take it again.”
“That’s because those are the rules,” Icheb said. “Commander Schmidt doesn’t have the authority to rewrite the rules of the test. He can alter the parameters of each cadet’s individual experience, but the rules were set in place long before he was placed in command. I think that, on his own, he’s decided that there needs to be a test of whether we can admit our own weakness. A test of our ability to surrender without a fight.”
“And you think that he wants us to surrender?”
“Yes.” Icheb nodded. “By actually surviving the first test, we believed we were proving our determination, our intelligence, and our physical superiority. But I believe what we actually proved is that we don’t know when to quit.”
Maren looked at him for a long moment, stunned. “Icheb, where is all this insight coming from?” she aked.
“I stayed with Dr. Abbott last night,” Icheb explained. “He and Commander Schmidt knew each other before. They were assigned together, along with Dr. Abbott’s wife, on the Ajax.”
“Dr. Abbott has a wife?” Maren asked in surprise. “I don’t remember much about last night, but his place looked like a total bachelor pad.”
Icheb shook his head. “It is. He had a wife,” he explained. “She was killed on an away mission, under conditions not unlike the conditions you faced for your test – a class P moon, lethal cold, solid ice. The Ajax detected a neutronic storm and ordered them to evacuate, but she had just made a major scientific discovery and refused to immediately comply. She completed her task and tried to get back to the shuttle, but she was injured on the way, and Commander Schmidt was forced to leave her. Dr. Abbott has never forgiven him for it. Now, I think the commander uses the survival test to recreate that scenario, in many different forms, for many different people. I think he realizes that what people like you and me fear most is not death, but giving up – abandoning our mission. Caris was that way, and she died because of it.”
“Caris?” Maren asked.
“Dr. Abbott’s wife,” Icheb explained. “That was her name.”
“I see,” Maren said. She looked a little stunned. “So we both failed?”
“I don’t know,” Icheb said. “Officially, I passed, because I survived the duration of the test, and those are the rules. But I don’t know what Schmidt wrote in my file about it. And I still don’t know yet if you passed or failed. It hasn’t been 72 hours yet, but you were able to reach safety and notify Command, albeit through Dr. Abbott. I believe that also falls within the guidelines. But I think this test was personal for Commander Schmidt. It was far too similar to the circumstances under which Caris died. He subjected you to the exact same climatic conditions and gave you an impossible scenario that he knew you would be determined to solve, even at the risk of your own life. He even brought me in at least partly to see if I could put you in danger if ordered. He told me as much when I objected to the assignment. It wasn’t just about locking you out. This was as much a test for me as it was for you.”
“So, did you pass?” Maren asked, with just a hint of a wry smile.
Icheb shook his head. “No. I did everything possible to give you an advantage, and if they ever find out, I’ll be forced to decide between you and my career.” Maren’s eyes widened, and Icheb felt his stomach drop as he realized Maren’s risky stunt had probably saved him from ever having to make that choice. “I should thank you for what you did,” he said quietly. “I believe you were correct when you said that your injuries are sufficiently severe that no one is going to question me further about this.” The guilt he felt at the realization was almost overwhelming. “But please, Maren, don’t ever put yourself at risk like that again,” he begged her. “Particularly not for a test. Not everything you desire to achieve is worth dying for.”
Maren looked back at him, her green eyes moist with tears. “Icheb, I’m sorry,” she said. “I didn’t mean for this to happen. I just wanted to succeed so badly … “
Icheb reached for her and pulled her into a careful but secure embrace. “Shhh,” he told her. “I know. I did the same thing, remember? But I never properly apologized to you. I told you I was sorry you were frightened. What I should have apologized for was risking my life in the first place. Until yesterday, I still believed I had done the right thing. Watching you showed me I was wrong.” He held her a little tighter, still taking care not to hurt her. “I don’t know what I would do if I lost you,” he murmured beside her reddened, scarred ear.
Despite her injuries, she turned and pressed her lips against his cheek, kissing him softly. “Likewise,” she whispered, melting deeper into his embrace. After a moment, she added, “Let’s hope we never have to find out.”