Chapter Text
The 2 ships arrived at Janus VI, far away. While it was a dead planet, it was somewhere to station for the time being.
“I… I don’t know what to say.” Devoid says, placing his head in his palms. “How did we fail so badly..?” He says, getting up and walking around the bridge.
“Captain, perhaps we should’ve adapted the plan in case of-” T’Plana says.
“WE JUST ADDED TO THEIR PRIDE! WHY DID I SEND THEM TO DIE?! IT’S NOT FAIR!” Devoid yells in frustration, punching the helm console hard enough to make it explode.
Thankfully, Danny jumped out of the way in time. “Captain, what’s wrong with you?!” Ensign Chilton asks.
“Captain. Go to sickbay. You’re not doing alright mentally.” Carter says sternly.
Devoid, on the verge of tears about what he did, nodded and went to sickbay.
Poppy was there, she knew his mental state well enough to grab a set of machines to keep track of heart rate, blood pressure, and brain activity. She holds a PADD in her hands as she indicates where the devices are huddled up. “Devoid, please sit, lay down, whatever position is comfortable.”
Devoid walks over, sitting down, fuming to the point where you can physically feel the rage he has in him.
Poppy hooks up the devices, she sits in a chair behind a forcefield. “I know what happened, I felt it, and I could feel the panic of the crew… how did it make you feel? From beginning to end, take me through your mental process.”
Devoid felt uncomfortable, as if he didn’t want to answer. “I… I was so sure the plan was going to work, that when we found out there was no cargo it was a shock. Then Sarī started to destroy the ships and…” Devoid explained, but the anger overtook him and he punched the surface he was sitting on.
“Devoid. Why do you feel this is your fault? You know it isn’t so why are you blaming yourself?” Poppy asks, concerned.
“I… I feel as if I led them to their deaths. 4 whole crews were killed because of my anger towards the Yakuza.” Devoid says, feeling guilty.
Poppy responds immediately “Anger is a secondary emotion, reacting that way when in grief is normal. You were blinded by the grief you felt for Captain Castillo, and that grief turned into rage, causing you to make a brash decision, which then caused more death, more grief, rinse and repeat.” Poppy gets up, disables the forcefield and opens her arms for a hug “It’s okay, everyone goes through this kind of thing. But it is best to not keep that bull charging.”
Devoid leans into the hug, starting to cry. All that rage, all that grief, released in a flurry of tears.
Poppy holds her Captain close as his tears stain her uniform. “It’s ok, Devoid. We can work from here. There’s wise words I was told the day I entered Starfleet. Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Everyone makes mistakes on the first day, so learn to work off of them.” Poppy explains as Devoid cries.